Jake: Feminist, very metro/gay man, extremely whipped

Erich: Unsure of his sexuality, reluctant to show soft & feminine side

Nick: William Shakespeare voice & language, very emo at times

Lauren: Tomboy, man in the family, effeminant but tries to hide it

Steph: Loving, carresing, 60's type obiedient wife, mother-like, 2 kids w/ Erich,  crazy but doesn't know it.

Mel: Satanic bitch

Kyrsten: Punk rock type, always in trouble w/ the law

Corey: Complete opposite of Jake, but tries to deny his gay urges

Nicholas: White racist bastard, wife left him for a black guy, in love w/ a fork

Lexa: Lesbian, hott, very outerracial.

Sarah: Pri-madonna daughter of Steph and Erich.

Down-syndrome Pirate: aka DSP for shorter typing terms. Name says it all. Pirate with down syndrome.

Eduardo: First introduced as Mexican. Used to be a man. Corey's girlfriend.

Up-syndrome Pirate: aka USP for shorter typing terms. Name says it all. Pirate with up-syndrome.

Steve: Odd man. Obsessed with vikings.

Aaron: Weird kid. Loves food.